A Mariners Memoir 2026

It has been a year since my last post.

January 22 2025

This past year has been about my journey

 not an uncommon one for 

someone my age.

76 

My personal journey has felt more like a sea voyage, that I am afloat, sometimes adrift,

as on a ship, the sails catching the winds of... as my doctor prefaced with.....

" age related" health issues.

.............................

..............................

THE ANCIENT MARINER

poem

" You have arrived where you are supposed to be....and it is too soon."...

I first heard this quote in a film by the wise old character to the middle-aged man in crisis.

This sounded like me, as a child, when I was unable to take hold of my life's events.

 filled with trauma and neglect. I was only given the choice to survive or not.

 This year began with a new diagnosis beyond the anxious, depressive, manic or suicidal person that would designate which meds I was prescribed.

I have lived long enough to have a treatment and new diagnosis that will address the childhood pain and begin the road to my own authentic self at 76

...........................

This is where I can alter the quote to read .....

"I am where I am supposed to be ....and it's not too late."

With this new treatment and recovery, I have been able face the five surgeries I have successfully 

completed. They include two new hips, new lenses in both eyes and a new right knee. 

My 1949 model reached the end of the warranty, and I have a new model 2025!

I am grateful it was not too late to heal my mind and body together, to live out my remaining years as fearless as possible.

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This quote has now evolved again to read......

"I am where I am supposed to be......and I am right on time"...

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This is my New Years 2026 wish for all to "be" present in your life and with the ones

you love. To be kind to all, no matter what.

AMEN

 

 

My Chosen Theme

What has LOVE got to do with it?

EVERYTHING.

First of all, I am 70 years old and do not profess to know the full meaning of this word, or what it means to love another, let alone myself. I will spend my whole life and probably the life of this blog writing about the only subject I could deem worthy.

Second, the word LOVE here is capitalized because for me it is interchangeable with GOD. It is with this Love,  He came to be with us. This is my deepest knowing as a follower of the teachings of Yeshua, Jesus. When asked, he spoke of only two commandments, both equal. Love thy God with all thy heart, soul, mind, and strength and Love thy neighbor [with all thy heart, soul, mind and strength, my understanding and imperfect practice. ] as thyself.. Mark 22:37

 To me God is LOVE and LOVE is God, so I will be asking also "What has God have to do with it?"

This question has been with me since my first clear memory at the age of five. I was standing, hidden away from view by any family member, standing up against the huge picture window facing the front lawn. The floor-length floral curtains and large maroon tufted couch hid me from anyone even knowing I was in the room. I could see the whole world out there, neighbors walking and cars driving past my house. We lived in one of the newly built "suburbs" of the fifties, just commuting distance from Portland, Oregon. An old farmstead purchased outside a small town called Milwaukie, with an "ie," I used to always say as a kid and even an adult.

I still remember what I was feeling that day, with all my strength, as a child in pain, asking from my mind, "It is not supposed to be this way", from my heart, "Why don't they love me?" and my soul, " I feel so alone?"

Was I being heard that moment, in that room, on that day? It was perhaps my first prayer. Did I know even then as a child someone was listening?

  This is when, I know now, my journey and path began to open up to me. It was not going to be one I would have tolerated or allowed for a child and will eventually influence me to consider later to not raise children myself. The greatest sacrifice of my life came from the fear I was too much like my parents. I did not learn from them how to feel connected and cared for. I learned about drinking, screaming, hitting, crying, hiding, hunger, loneliness, shame, blame, beatings, and worst of all neglect.

What has GOD got to do with that?

This leads to my next post, Born into LOVE, and forgiveness for me and my parents.

John 4:16