My magical meeting of both of these women occurred almost to my lack of awareness.. I had just moved to a small island in Puget Sound in Washington State. I knew no one and did not know if I would meet the compatriots I yearned to share my life with.
Cyprienne called to tell me Raven died May 23rd morning in a voicemail. To my regret I failed that day to answer this message, as I do with many voicemails, a resistance, yet for me to totally understand.... until today..my many recent losses and my need to let go... again... 4 times this past year...
As I age my family of friends are diminishing each year. This circle grows smaller in diameter and will continue until it reaches myself at the center.
The BIG LET GO
At this center is where we all will join each other again. Raven would have loved the direction my art was heading and most importantly was alongside my understanding of this circle of our shared SPIRIT. This light in the CENTER has grown only a bit brighter since she moved on ahead of us.
I have a TOTEM creature as Indigenous Peoples have coveted to become a guide on their journeys. It is the Raven. We first met on my move from Vermont back to the NW and my family roots. They graced my yard as I parked and loaded the moving van and I would find them around the van as I came out of the motels each morning!?
RAVEN my friend was to be a companion too and to keep going.. "all is well" no matter where it leads us to, including my leaving the island with great heart ache. My last meeting on Anderson Island with Raven foreshadowed her decline in health, as was my own health from the lockdown at that time.
We all are connected yet at the same time must fly our own pathway till we land on the spot we can claim as only our own . Raven made her choices and I honor those even if we no longer can be in view of each other.
A three-day harvest in Plymouth was held in the fall. It would take some natives 2 days to walk to the festivities. This is the story told to me in our elementary school textbooks. It tells of natives and colonists sitting down peacefully for a meal of thankfulness for the season's bounty.
This event was followed by attacks, killings of hundreds of natives, and colonists as an expansion upon native lands increased. for decades and eventually, for centuries, killings, genocide, continued until land confined reservations were mandatory for the "first Americans".
Abraham Lincoln designated an official Thanksgiving Holiday in the fall of 1867. It was to celebrate the end of the civil war and all our nation could be thankful for.
***
The native Americans in this country consider this holiday a "Memorial Day" for the many who fought and lost their lives to save their land and the freedom to live on their chosen ancestral lands. this sounds very much the same as our Memorial Day ceremonies all across the nation in May of each year.
How each family celebrates this holiday can be very similar, a turkey, pies, cranberries, and each culture with added treats. My family is chosen and is whoever lives nearby.
Thanksgiving for apartment neighbors 2019 in Port Angeles.
Expanded this year to neighbors on the streets of my neighborhood 2020
"Doc and Bunny my partners in serving our neighbors"
***
This year in a pandemic we are asked to not travel as 60% of citizens usually do to be with family. This year there was only a 20% reduction in travel. We will see the cost for these holiday reunions in the next month to come in total new cases and sadly the new family deaths. Family members that will not attend the 2021 holiday. How can I see the blessings amongst my friends and families when gratefulness is so needed?
***
" I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain.
I wanna know have you ever seen the rain,
comin' down on a sunny day'?
This song by Creedence Clearwater "struck a chord" in me when I wanted to understand why this holiday was so different for me this year. It is easy to point to the pandemic as the source of so much disruption in our routines, traditions, or life as we demand and long for it to be.
This world is now full of frequent storms, fires, and natural disasters. These disasters have come on the eve of this holiday too. Many have no home or family injured or dead. I see nature teaching me, as God wants me to understand and experience, I am not the master of my world. I am the caretaker of this world given to me to enjoy, not destroy. I am grateful for all those that continue to strive for climate change solutions. for the generations to come.
" Someone told me long ago
there's a calm before the storm
I know its been coming for some time
When it's over, so they say
It'll rain a sunny day
I know shining down like water"
***
So, what has love got to do with it?
***
Can I find a way to be grateful, thankful for the rain? Yes, when I know the sun will come up again and even in the sky, both can be seen together as the song says, "shining down like water". A grateful thankful heart comes from love. Can I find a way to be thankful this year, when the rain is relentlessly falling all around me.? I have lost one friend, 92 years old, Adele, to this virus. She was one of the first to die in a nursing home in my state of Washington. The sunny bright spot for me is that I was fortunate to meet her and know some of her stories. Hers was a long life.. Our common friend and my brother, Jerry, 88, is still going strong as ever though many miles from my home.
Jerry as a world traveler
I have the thought that this chaos may actually be a calm before the next storm in my country.. Hunger [ 1 in 6 families 60 million], political divisions, racial equality demands with unrest, and economic inequality [ more trillionaires being created] are festering like an old wound being scratched and reinjured and bleeding again.
Our President-Elect Biden in his Thanksgiving address to the nation on November 25th pleaded that we bring "LOVE" to the political arena... To come together and heal and see the opposition. in our partisan politics, and find our common values moving forward. This is a sunny day to hear these words from our newly yet contested winner. Now it will be each American to follow through [ or not ] and work for the changes needed to slow this coming, [, already here? ] STORM.
"Yesterday and days before
Sun is cold and rain is hard
I know been that way
for all my time
til forever, on it goes."
In this country we live with motos of "The American Dream", " And Equal Justice for All,", " Right to Pursue Happiness", and religious freedom. These can be understood as a luminous sun on the horizon, yet felt by many here as only a dawning reality. The struggles many citizens have in the USA can be felt as a rainy drizzle or a torrent and flooding storm based on their skin color..
My faith has been my guiding light in these dark days. Masks, distancing, and finding ways I can reach out to others at the same time. My blog is one of the ways technology has opened some "lockdown" doors. I look more to music and reading the WORD to find my way. Sometimes it feels like I can find the "light switch " for comfort from my fears and stressful moments. On the pages of the Bible, or in a songs' lyrics, or a smile on a stranger's face or a friendly text or the wagging of a pet's tail.....
Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened,
I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, For I am gentle and humble of heart, and
As you can see I chose a song for the title of my blog.
What has love got to do, got to do with it?
What's love but a second-hand emotion.......
Who needs a heart, when a heart can be broken.
There are so many events in my life where I had wished I could hurt less. There has been so much loss in my life and I reacted in unhealthy ways..definitely avoiding feeling at all.
My first lesson in life about coping with loss was to learn how to feel again. Avoidance of my emotions has fueled the addiction I have spent many years in recovery of.
In this time of isolation, I have listened to more music in my studio as I paint. I have discovered several songs that with a few word changes, have been about my relationship with God. I have found joy in creating "hymn-like" songs for me to sing to myself. The song I first noticed was "You are the Reason". the following is my revised lyrics.
Audio melody only
Lord, You Are The Reason
******
There goes my heart beating cause you are the reason.
I am losing my sleep, pray come back now.
There goes my mind racing and
You are the reason, Lord.
That I am still breathing, I am hopeful now.
I'd climb every mountain and swim every ocean
just to be near you and fix what I have broken.
Oh. you want me to see Lord that you are the reason.
There goes my hands shaking. Lord,
and you are the reason.
My heart keeps bleeding, I need you to know now, oh Lord.
You have turned back the clock
made sure the light defeated the dark.
I will spend every hour of every day knowing I am safe.
I don't want to cry no more
I don't want to hide no more
I don't want to fear no more
come closer now.
Lord, you have climbed every mountain and crossed every ocean.
Just to be with me, to forgive where I am broken.
Oh, cause you want me to see, that I am the reason.
So, I promise to climb every mountain and cross every river.
Just to stay with you and to be forgiven
Cause, you want me to know
Lord, that LOVE is the reason.
Thanks for reading my posts and helping me to feel connected with my friends, my loved ones.
Jesus was asked which is the great commandment in the law? He answered with the one and only laws of Love. To love God , the Creator, and all others as The Lord loves us. All are Gods son's and daughter's, creatures and plants of this garden called Earth.
HEART
First mentioned is the heart. We best understand that Love is an emotion, yet I have many emotions that contain love. Joy, kindness, gentleness, meekness, courage and trust and are all forms of Love and mentioned in the Bible. Fear is also mentioned in the phrase "God fearing'...Proverbs 9:10 exclaims; "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight." I am understanding from my own life, that all my emotions were given to me to experience. "With all my heart" means all emotions are to be expressed in order to fully give my love to God. So when I am in fear and the emotions of anger, anxiety, depression and frustration arise, this becomes my opportunity to go to God and ask for guidance, for Rest and for Peace. My Creator wants all of me.
SOUL
My soul..it is described usually that we HAVE One. I looked to hebrew for the origins of this word. It was enlightening to find the word for soul is "nefesh". meaning throat and wind, two definitions. Further commentaries reminded me that in Genesis 2:7, "God breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living soul." Therefor man/woman IS a SOUL. So through the "throat" and "wind" comes a living being. With this image I can see how the trees are my partners. The soul, my breath is one with them. Also as a child in the womb breathes through the mother until that first "gasp of life" brings her soulful being into this world. I have concluded to "love God with all my soul" means with every breath of every minute and each day to be ever so grateful for a new one.
POWER
Next I will point to Proverbs 18:10. "Do not grieve for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Hebrew for strength is koach. Meaning comes from an unused root, to be "firm". My first thought is to have the resolve to not bend away from my relationship with God. To trust in my journey and know God's will is far greater than my own.
MIND
Last is , "from all my mind " and I am not sure I can love God from all my mind on my own. My mental health has affected by a traumatic life as a child and further events as an adult. The result is a mind that has been broken. Therefor my ability to make decisions in my life has been challenging at the least. At my best I have been able to follow my own journey home with help through therapy, meditation, and ultimately knowing who I am. I am not only my mind. My long boughts of depression kept me in the past, full of anger, shame and guilt. Anxiety and panic attacks came from the worry and fears over the future and even if I had one. After my baptism on August 5, 2017, I have come to a place of forgiveness that has shown me how to release the past, have it be complete as it is. My future is promised to me as an inheritance. I will be guided home. Peace and Rest are available to me now. When I accept my mind with all its potential for fear, I give it fully to Him and all is well.
Love thy Neighbor
This commandment is like a mirror of the first or even as a coin has two sides. Both are about love in our relationships, with God and others. My first response to hearing these commandments was, "How can I love this much, I am not able to do this! I struggle everyday just to love myself". So my conclusion is to realize I am struggling to love at all, GOD or others. My prayers are about Gods grace. I have a clue as too how much God loves me and how I can love others, when I surrender to His grace. Only then my eyes are open and my heart knows. Love comes from Emanuel, "god with us". Every page of His Word has Love in every line.
"I am .. I am God...I am in relationship with you...I am love."
As August first approaches, the "Stay at home, be safe" mandate from Gov. Inslee is relaxing a bit...with reopening in some areas causing spikes in cases and deaths, not unlike other areas in our country. The US holds the highest numbers for cases and deaths in the world. [25% of deaths worldwide and USA only 5% of worlds population].
I live in a small coastal tourist town on the northern coast of the Olympic Peninsula. As summer arrived with warmer weather, there is an ongoing influx of non-resident visitors filling the main street of town where I live in an apartment. A strong avoidance of social distancing and mask wearing is evident in only 50% or more of people on the streets below my second floor window.
Being a high-risk target for the virus, I wanted to return to a southern Puget Sound island, only 5 by 6 miles in size..not even one stoplight! A small full-time population and ferry access only.
My goal was to be "safer". Both fear and a desire to "thrive" were my main two motivations..Fear of isolation far from my friends in distance and wanting to thrive with a beautiful wooded landscape and gardening to fill my hours..
As my plans slowly dismantled , one by one, my heart searched for an answer to..
"What has love got to do with it?"
When the fear of living in this chaotic world with a pandemic , note being led by my own country, I made a promise to find and express LOVE for GOD, myself and others.
My answer came quickly and the source was clear.
"I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings" Psalm 61:4. .. " nor the pestilence that stalks the darkness..a thousand may fall at your side.( Death toll currently averages 1000 a day in US)..nor the plague that destroys at midday"..Psalm 91 6-7.
God's gift of deliverence is not a vaccine looming in the distant future against my own and others physical pain and possible death.
I have chosen with some courage to be present each day and open each day as a gift from God.. " I am leaving you with a gift, peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give you is a gift the world cannot give so don't be troubled or afraid." John 14:27
And at the end of each day in the evening.."In peace I will lie down and sleep for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.." Psalm 4:8
His promise, "Be still and know I am God" , Psalm 46:10 , keeps returning to my mind and heart and what follows is "Joy". Fear has no strength in the face of Love. This lamb's face is full of joy as she was carried in the right hand of the attentive Shepherd, shielded by the Lord's wing forming in the sky overhead. Only the emotions of Love and joy in this world stamp out my covid-19 fears .
As God's word washes over me, like a rolling ocean wave, I will walk through each day as my true heart is slowly revealed by God's grace...
is the sound of mirth and joy....giggles...titters..chuckles...merriment...expressions of happiness...even some of these less spoken words cause me to chortle!
I am posting today in tribute and celebration of my dearest friend and brother Jerry A. A true Master of "one-liners". No matter my mood, he can and has pulled me up from my emotional depths and to get my belly to rumbling. Those who know me well, my midriff would be very noticeable in a hearty laugh! I do try to delay, at times, Jerrys' gratification with my hysterical laughter by acting as if the joke, comment went right over my head. Much easier I might add over the phone. So now I will give you a tickler: His sons asked dad, where do you want us to scatter your ashes when the time comes? his reply, "Surprise me!"
In the '80s at a New Age workshop, a handout revealed the list of NW indigenous Inuit tribe's favorite human attributes. At the top of the list was "humor". So I ask my question about love....and I remember a quote from Robin Williams, "basically when you laugh you have to make a fool of yourself." And I submit, I can only do this when I love myself and feel loved. Life can be full of so much apparent seriousness and I do mean apparent. Fear can have and create a life of its own. Humor is and comes from a place that sees or knows there is a bigger picture. This is where my other question, "What has God got to do with it?", comes into view. Romans 15:13
In memorial, I am going to mention a dear friend and my super fan, that I miss dearly, Marjorie.. We spent her last three weeks together, 24/7, and created nicknames for each other. Mine became easily chosen for me, as "My Jewel' and mine for her was "My Sunshine", after a 3am pain pill was needed and she broke out in song, "you are my sunshine!" Each day we found together something to smile or laugh about, and these were our gifts to each other. She spoke up one afternoon, as two of her sons, Paul, John was visiting, along with daughter Karen, at her bedside. We thought she was soundly sleeping. Suddenly over our laughter, she spoke clearly, "doesn't she have the best laugh!" Next, I did a laughter quote search on google. What surfaced fits perfectly here, "A good laugh is like sunshine in a house." Indeed Marge. William Makepeace Thackery
Look for updates of this posting during the National Emergency for the next 15 days. An observance of love, service, and laughter with each other!
March 19 update:
Toilet Paper
Toilet paper, a shortage, and a potential threat to the American way of life.!? Wow who could have known. This hoarding of an item needed for one's own personal comfort with no regard for others' current need, and leave the shelves empty. As Gandhi so eloquently puts it, "The world has enough for everyone's need, but not everyone's greed." Thus the empty grocery shelves in one day of panic over this pandemic. So my laughter on this subject is coming from the image of the ones who have chosen a very small view, over a greater one of love and rest in the faith all is good for now. This round small viewpoint by some, sitting safely tucked away and secure in the recliner watching FOX News 24/7.
March 20 update
COVID-19 Checklist
C … "Cookies, cookies, cookies, and more cookies!" For me, for my friend Betty as we sit and sip our coffee, and for Teddy, I made him doggie biscuits. Do not forget to enjoy the sweetness of life with the ones you LOVE.
O...…….."Overcome we shall" Yes I am confident, attitude is up, immune system up and then I lapse into a place of denial as though all is ok! " Come on over and visit," I have time on my hands. Why not. Enjoy technology, it is there to keep us all connected..
V....Visualize the news...turn off the sound on the TV. Turn on the captions. Many commentators LOVE the sound of their voices. Gone are the days of going outside to fetch our newspaper with bedhead and being able to read at our leisure the factual information we could refer to later for updates as needed until the birdcage needs a new liner.
I.......Identify the real enemy here. FEAR. If our POTUS prefers to call this a "War", then I will refer to a wise leader, President Roosevelt. he reminded us, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself". His contemporary rallied with "Fear is a reaction, courage is a decision.". So choose the road of the HEART.
D....Driving means getting out my license and checking the birthdate on it! If it says I am over 60. DO NOT GO ANYWHERE...unless absolutely necessary..so far nothing has been!.
1...………………..Number one thing to remember? Everyone else. We are in this together.
9... NINE hours of REST REST REST get plenty of sleep. I go down at 11 and get up at 8...9 hours of time away from all the talk, media, and decisions of the day...this is my checklist for the pandemic. Bless you, all..
March 27 update
First Responders needed
What does that mean for me as someone with 30 years of experience as a caregiver and Hospice doulas? Here I am in isolation and at high risk and cannot be on the front lines. So I have asked how can I give care from afar with the skills I have? I am a seamstress and have the tools and cloth, so masks it is. I will be able to fill a need in a way that will keep myself and others safer and connected. I urge you to find a way to be a "first responder" in your own way to someone in need. Walk a dog, go to store, mail a package, pay a bill, set up skype on a computer for someone in higher-risk or ill.
BE A LOVE RESPONDER.
March 30, update
"Physical" Distancing
I want to discuss this phrase used to describe a safety measure to keep the virus from reaching one's personal space......I want to say that is the safe distance......and it is a physical one......we can keep our social contacts in so many ways in this age of technology. There is no need to have a social distance. A social, loving contact with each other will ease the stress of not knowing how we are all coping in this time of isolation. This stress from not knowing, being imposed on us is far more dangerous than the physical one. Stress can cause other forms of illness and general feelings of "unwellness". Keep in touch for the wellbeing of others and for yourself. And I suggest you even go a step further and take this time you have to be creative in how you reach out and express yourself.
Blow a kiss from your phone, learn to skype and go crazy in a costume with the grandkids, put a bow on the meals you deliver, include the pets people may be missing. I know you can find ways to keep the feeling of that distance becoming as close and loving as possible.
Practice Social Closeness
April 1 final update
NO LAUGHING MATTER
Today begins the 30 day extended stay at home request by the federal govt or "Lockdown". I am rather surprised that I will be posting now about this pandemic in my "Laughter" post because what I am about to tell you is no laughing matter. A pastor in Florida held Sunday morning services for a 500 person congregation. Families during the service practiced distancing from other families. The curious statement broadcasted on the news was about his argument that this new virus was being "overblown". Like the flu, it already kills thousands a year! So I went to the CDC for the facts and I was "blown over."
Here they are for Oct 2019- Mar 2020 9 month season
[based on reports and projections of past seasons of 8.5% of population, 27million}
reported cases of illness 28-54,000,000
medical visits to doctors 18-26,000,000
hospitalizations 400-730,000
deaths from the flu 24,000-62,000
This is what the statistics can be for the flu and also how it impacts the healthcare system on top of the current needs for the pandemic with Covid-19. This is with no flu "stay at home" in the general population other than taking sick leave from work after you get the flu, getting the flu shot yearly, as many do, not all.
Now look at the figure for hospitalizations for the flu and imagine them being similar for Covid-19 without lockdown. Add this number to the hospitals dealing with the flu already. Now, look next to the death rate for the flu. This is where the big awakening needs to be impressed upon us all. The death percentage is 12 times (the update is 40 times) that of the flu. So the number without a lockdown, distancing, business shut down, hygiene practices, and law enforcement, statistics could be, not 24,000-64,000 as for the flu, the estimates could skyrocket to
288,000-744,000 DEATHS for Covid-19.
We are at 3500 deaths today, (mid-March prior to lockdown 95, April 20 update with three weeks lockdown is 43,000) the 9/11 figure, since the January record keeping. Two weeks into the stay at home orders for high case areas. Projections are still being calculated at 1-200,000 deaths in the US before this disease runs its course. This is 10-20% of a possible figure above with us following faithfully the lockdowns and safety measures asked of us all. We are 3 months into possibly 12-18 season till the vaccine is available. So the estimates of 100-200,000 deaths are possible..And so clearly this is NOT THE FLU.
Be careful with your life and others, you are all precious.
My theme question may make this subject rather obvious. Yet I awoke with many thoughts flooding my mind for the last couple of early morning hours. The first four blogs were about my family and friend and my relationship to them and also the "nature" of those relationships.
Therefore my experience recently watching a film about the life of Mother Teresa became profound teaching. She spoke very clearly, when you give, "give with love", whatever you do, "do it with love". I watched her closely for the remainder of the film to see how she expressed this teaching. She began her ministry in Kalcutta by searching for the "untouchables" left to die alone in the street's gutters. They were given a safe, clean abode to live out their lives. She would not just bathe them in water for a bath, but in loving caresses all over their heads and later their eyes would fill with light and animated outstretched arms as she returned for a visit. Her greatest gift was to give them something being denied them, a relationship. She gave them someone to love back. Now they were not alone . 1 John 4:8 says anyone who does not love does not know God because God is love
.
My next thoughts went to my studies reading the Old Testament. I repeatedly heard in my heart the message in the scriptures,, simply, "I am". Exodus 3:14. Now I also hear " I am... in relationship with you". Isaiah 41:10. This is a promise. Even though I have spent most of my life living in denial of this, and visualizing myself in a motion of "turning away" from this truth. I now know that this can not be possible. My visual today is one of everywhere I turn, 360 degrees, Father is there, love is there, waiting for me all along the way. To deny this truth, connection, promise and relationship is THE Sin. At the moment I lift up my eyes out of my darkness to acknowledge this, I am who I have always been.
Repentance is about me acknowledging the relationship. Repent means to "turn or return". Zechariah 1:3b Forgiveness is about God's loving response to our believing we could ever be out of a relationship with Him. I will forgive their wrongdoing, I will never again remember their sins. Hebrew 8:12
As my mind moves out from here some final thoughts are how a relationship is the "nature" of ALL I can see now. Obviously, as in nature, we are beginning to understand how each plant and animal is vital to the health of environments on earth. As the wolves were reintroduced in Yellowstone Park the direction of river beds badly eroded by deer overpopulation change courses... Being an artist, my life long pursuit of painting one color next to another and discovering how the colors change is inexhaustible.
My
studies in astronomy, with my professor in 1970, revealed his summer research at an observatory searching for a very large 10th planet beyond Pluto with a definite "pull"!
My cup has it's saucer.....like I said everywhere I look.
Just as I was about to sign off. I remembered the origins of my name. I was given a Buddhist name, Hokyo Soen, at my Lay Ordination in 1986. The first name is designated as one's true nature, the second is one's life work. Hokyo means Jewel Mirror my first and middle names. Soen [not legally taken] means round, perfect, and lucid. What is somewhat miraculous to me now about this name is what a Jewel Mirror is. It refers to Indra's Net. It is a Hindu/Buddhist description of the interconnectedness of all of creation.
It is a net with a round jewel at each knot of the net that reflects all other jewels in the net. This goes on for eternity. My life's work, therefore, is to keep my jewel in its form, a perfect round and clear reflective orb, unblemished. My name is about existence as a relationship and what kind I will have with others. When the darkness appears on my jewel it will be mirrored onto every other jewel, my suffering is shared and others suffering with me. There is NO other. Mark 12:30-31 Love your neighbor as yourself.. When we choose to live in the light of love and joy, this brightness is reflected out endlessly.
P.S.
A late-night NBC news flash came on with an update concerning a week-long debate about how to free the last two men. A week earlier a disaster struck a construction site at a coal mine resulting in 50 men being trapped underground. This mine, located in a small New England state's rural area, has been inundated by reporters after the story broke on Monday. Currently, there are three trapped below. One is a young 33-year-old physician who arrived earlier this week at the bequest of his father. When arriving on the scene he reported to a journalist privately, he was there to fulfill his father's request. One of the last two men trapped in an old childhood buddy of his father's and they had become estranged as young men. They have not spoken to each other face to face since. When his father heard of the need for medical personnel to help with rescued miners, he asked his son to join the medical team. For the last two men, there were injuries causing them to need direct emergency medical care before they could come up top safely. The son volunteered to go down into the mine and attend to the two men and stabilize them. They were brought to the surface safely, both were DOA at the hospital. His father's friend has his wife by his side in the ambulance, the woman both men had loved deeply and was the cause of the rift in the relationship. The physician and devoted son that remains behind in the mine, dies before his rescue, as the result of a sudden collapse in the mine brought on by a small local quake when it closes off the shaft with large boulders.
His father, three days later, while in mourning and surrounded by family, was watching an ABC Sunday Morning news commentary show about the mining industry's failure to value their workers' safety over profits.
Then the phone rang. His son, Joshua's voice spoke, "Dad, it is finished, be at peace and call on me anytime, I love you,"
My dear friend Molly Walton drew her last breath on December 14, 2019. A long-awaited day after her diagnosis in early 2013 of terminal breast cancer. Ours was a roller coaster of a ride relationship with her hoarding lifestyle and my restless nomadic search for a home to settle down. Molly lost contact and the affection of a teenage daughter in divorce many years before and this trauma led to an empty heart and home. She proceeded to fill every square inch of it for the following years with all she touched and collected. The empty house, like her heart, was being filled up and each item cherished. My story was the loss of my home of 15 years in Vermont in the housing crisis of 2009. Ten years and seven moves later, with two homeless periods, while waiting for housing to open up , I was always in transition.
She gave her love to me with time during phone calls, any hour and place. She gave me a sense of continuity....of being loved by someone no matter where I lived....a wonderful gift. I absorbed any items I could of her "collectibles" to give her some peace around the slow liquidation process being imposed by her family. Most items I would not be able to use but would pass on and even throw away. One of my moves took me to another state and I would come to visit and need to stay overnight. I was the only person I knew of that Molly let stay at her place or would want to. She would clear a place for me to walk, to an area of boxes covering a stool,so I could sit down. Then a chair and ottoman were uncovered, so I could make a bed for the night in the living room. It was filled halfway to the ceiling at times with boxes she was going through. As an artist, I kept encouraging her to make art with me. She kept dreaming of art projects she wanted to finish. In all the years I knew her, we spent only two hours painting together.
Cancer for Molly was a blessing. I know, how can this be? Blessings are love in action. It brought her daughter back into her life. Molly became full of courage, of heart, to contact her and bring the news and reach out.. to love again. Time was short now. In the seven years that followed two grandchildren were born. First a daughter, next to a son. As the daughter turned five she was identical to Molly at the same age. Molly's life was fulfilled as it should be. Seeing herself live on in the image of a beautiful granddaughter.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Mathew 5:4
My last visit with her was in the home caring for her in her last days. I was in turmoil over the failure on my part to have a residence for her to come to in these last two weeks. This had been our plan. I had recently lost a house that was suitable and moved to a small apartment in another town. As a trained hospice caregiver I wanted to "walk her home". When I arrived after a four-hour drive, she was conscious but not aware it was me in the room. I was broken-hearted by the lack of care she was receiving. The room was cold, windows open, Furniture pushed up to her bed so she would not fall out. I could only reach her feet and sit in the doorway I prayed for us both to be at peace and asked that Jesus take her hand and walk her home for me. Then the only way I can explain or express it is a feeling of peace and then LOVE filled the room. The next thing that happened was my photo, Molly kept on the window sill flew across the room towards her bed. There was only what Molly and I were to each other. A blessing.
