Being in Relationship is Being

  ren ren

The source, corner stone of all  Confucius teachings began here with the chinese character representing "humanness". What it is to be human and with compassion. This character is a "person" in the first two downward strokes and the second two short horizontal strokes are the number “2". He wanted his war torn country to have a new way of life beginning with the family relationships. 

   Confucious

This is definitely, to me,  about being in relationship is the definition , the meaning of our lives.

            My painting study of           Sistin Chapel

My recent studies of the Old Testament ( written around 500 BC) and Hebrew language alphabet, have resulted in my experiencing the message of Yahweh as " I am in relationship with you". Many of the stories are to show what happens to our relationships without God's guidance or acknowledgement. My religious studies  at university ( 1969-73 ) included the Dead Sea scrolls . The early translations revealed a different wording of the 10 commandments. Instead of the "Thou shall not" ....wording it was " you are not with God when you...    "  What a transformation of understanding about what it means to follow and keep these commandments. 

Grave Stone in famous Barre VT Cemetery. Well known for Italian sculptors working in the granite quarries. Sculpture is twice the size of our human stature. 

Next the New Testament expands, beyond the Old Testament covenant and animal sacrifice for atonement, to a single commandment of "  that relationship is to love one another as I love you." All peoples, tribes, gentiles and cultures. We are asked to "repent.." by John the Baptist. Translated hebrew meaning is to " turn towards" ( acknowledge this love). The only sin is to " turn away" from and deny the relationship with ones creator. And that sin was even forgiven , " forever more" on the cross.  The idea of being born with "original sin"  no longer is, all is forgiven! ....This relationship cannot be broken. Ignored or denied , (even though free will gives us this illusion) we are never out of relationship with our Creator. From the garden of Eden ( when Eve chose the wisdom, knowledge of this world ) expulsion to the crucification the message is the same.

 We, all creatures, flora , nature are connected to each other.

 Even the recent studies of trees show their relationship under the ground with the entertwining of their roots, that insure harmonius survival for all.

Another teacher Lau Tsu , an elder contemporary of Confucius, spoke more of this relationship with nature.

 

... In the way of the Tao, it is the creative and "binding"  force that runs through the universe.

A relationship again evident by our need for trees to keep our lungs full of oxygen and the trees needed carbon monoxide.

Yet another teacher, a possible contemporary of both these Chinese spiritual leaders, 500-600 BC,  Buddha from India has an emphasis on connection that begins with the relationship we have with ourselves through our breath. This practice leads to our own and others suffering less, including an awareness of the preciousness of all life, through the understanding of impermanence and change. 

                                  Zoketsu

2502 years after Confucianism, my teacher from San Francisco Zen Center (1987-1992) has written a book, " When You Greet Me I Bow" by Zoketsu Norman Fischer. Even the title mirrors the essence of his understanding after many decades of practice, studies and teaching. this following quote is from the first page....................

   

            ........ "So it is quite surprising that the opening

                     section of this book, its bedrock, is about

                     relationship. Because this is what I discovered

                     after many decades of Zen Buddhist practice:

                     that the religious life isn't about truth as much 

                     as it is about relationship. Or, that, perhaps truth

                     and relationship are one and the same...............

                      Relationship is not something that happens

                      (or doesn't happen) in a life, it is life's truest truth.

My conclusion about our meeting and practicing together for only a few years compared to his life in an ongoing community, my path is continuously linked

to his. It is no longer surprising to me we are in tune with one another as we look back on our lives in our 7th decade. 70+ revolutions around the sun. 

      I have my own story from my  first meeting with a teacher ,Katagiri Roshi, a dear friend of the founder of San Francisco Zen Center, 

Suzuki Roshi. I was a new student of Zen pactice and not experienced in private meetings with revered teachers, one on one. I waited in a cold zendo for the many older practioners to complete their meetings. My barefeet, very cold while sitting zazen for the hours of waiting.

      As I climbed the stairs, I went over my instructions silently...open door..... bow to altar ....side step...face roshi bow and sit.

        I opened door, closed door,it was a very small room , perhaps 8x8 feet and one small window over roshis left shoulder. As I began  the altar bow, I saw a beam of light come thru the window and warmed my feet. I nearly jumped for joy.

      "thank you, thank you, thank you, that feels so good . "

I completed my bow, side stepped and bowed before roshi and sat down.

       With some nervousness I began to tell my story, " I am new to Zen practice" and also a new resident of the community.

        His answer was " you have been practicing for a very long time".

It would take another 6 years before I understood what he meant and would leave the center and community.

In a lecture to students during a following visit he proclaimed that if we fall asleep, his words will enter through our pores. A statement of relationship beyond even our awareness. 

                     Aunt Adele

My youngest memory of being taught about relationship was from my aunt Adele. She taught a musical kindergarten in Portland Oregon after she retired from an international opera performer career as a soprano. Her main teaching to me, especially when sending me to the corner when I would act out, "we are all the same." The other students knew I was her niece, so no special favors.

She read from tales about children the world over. I was later at 30 to be her assistant and learn how to pass on to children her view. A blessing and gift . 

In my teens, the time of racial protests, political asassinations and the rise of feminism, I began to read autobiographies including Mahatma Ghandi. The following quote I have attempted to follow throughout my life. It pointed out every choice I make about how I live would affect all beings. I lived without a phone or a car until I moved to Alaska and they were both needed to have job and support myself. I was 40 years old.

                    "Live simply , so others                               may simply live."

Another autobiography I read was about Malcom X. and even though he separated himself from other racial groups he said these words as a truth he became aware of...............

                             ...."and I, for one, will join in with anyone-

                             don't care what color you are- as long as 

                             you want to change this miserable condition 

                             that exists on this earth."    

                ***************** 

"..... If  there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones." M Aurelius 180 A D

Live on in our families, friends and even in the caring for nature, forests and oceans, of Earth. Our relationship, our existence lives on. 

 

                          

                      *********     

    

           Blessed New Year 2024    

                  

TIME to SOAR my dear friend Raven

Flowers Sent on Memorial

September 22 2023

Designed by Karen Vickers 

             

                 Raven Cyprienne Jewel

    My magical meeting of both of these women occurred almost to my lack of awareness.. I had just moved to a small island in Puget Sound in Washington State. I knew no one and did not know if I would meet the compatriots I yearned to share my life with.

      Cyprienne called to tell me Raven died May 23rd morning in a voicemail. To my regret I failed that day to answer this message, as I do with many voicemails, a resistance, yet for me to totally understand.... until today..my many recent losses and my need to let go... again... 4 times this past year... 

     As I age my family of friends are diminishing each year. This circle grows smaller in diameter and will continue until it reaches myself at the center.

                           The BIG LET GO

      At this center is where we all will join each other again. Raven would have loved the direction my art was heading and most importantly was alongside my understanding of this circle of our shared SPIRIT. This light in the CENTER has grown only a bit brighter since she moved on ahead of us.

   I have a TOTEM creature as Indigenous Peoples have coveted to become a guide on their journeys. It is the Raven. We first met on my move from Vermont back to the NW and my family roots. They graced my yard as I parked and loaded the moving van and  I would find them around the van as I came out of the motels each morning!?

    RAVEN my friend was to be a companion too and to keep going.. "all is well" no matter where it leads us to, including my leaving the island with great heart ache. My last meeting on Anderson Island with Raven foreshadowed her decline in health, as was my own health from the lockdown at that time. 

We all are connected yet at the same time must fly our own pathway till we land on the spot we can claim as only our own . Raven made her choices and I honor those even if we no longer can be in view of each other. 

             Fly Away  Far As You Wil 

                   BE AT PEACE

90 Orbits around the Sun : Gerald "Jerry" Alexander

1932 - 2022

My dearest and oldest friend crossed the road

 for the last time.

 My variation of an age-old joke askes, "which crossed the road first, the chicken or the egg?" With age comes some wisdom? Answer: "At the same time!" He acknowledged that this may have been my best joke yet to create. He said he would share that one. "My master class was complete!"

We are all connected to each other and 

"No beginning, no end."

He carried all the many jokes with him that have lightened my load over the years.

We only talked of the most important issues for us both in the last months. Not to waste any time for laughter about our country's tribulations, the worlds future and our own destinies.

The uncertain climate and political future, he would not experience, was his main concern for his grandchildren, most of all.

His next journey was very dim and dark to him, until we agreed that

he was loved and gave love.

Albert Einstein came up and I asked him if he knew why he was a physicist? "To find out how God thinks." And now with our explorations we can take a selfie of our home.

  I concluded to see what God sees.

Mirror image of a nebula from Webb Telescope

As my Blogg askes about love and God, I reminded him LOVE is our creator shining through us to give to others. I let him know in one conversation that he did not have to believe in God. Jerrys love for me kept me on this earth longer at a time I could see no other way than to "Get Out". I said this was my proof.

Many times we shared about his loss of his wife and daughter and his failures.

 What he learned may have saved my life.

Jerry was a grateful man who loved to eat, and my last contribution was my rich banana bread. As a former cook and caterer having Jerry as a neighbor was a treat to share my culinary dishes.

 

Our last meeting, along with his two surviving sons, was short and yet very sweet.

When I received the news on Labor Day afternoon. I drove out to the oceanside and reminded myself that life is so precious. Any of my heartache will now remind me that love is the source of this pain and the joy in our relationship. 

Until our next joke together

My Prayer for Jerry

"Hear O Israel"

On the one year 

Memorial September 2023

I shared with his sons

"He is with me every time I laugh out loud".. 

 

Roads Past and Present and Future

It is time for me to arrive back to my journey, no matter where it leads or from where I already have emanated from in my previous 73 years.

July 4, 2022, turns out to be my time for revived personal independence and freedom. I again, after the lockdown, to write about my world , my mirror, in this Blogg. This does also include the many people I come in contact with on my travels and who I am grateful to for enlightening my foggy view at times. I fell in love with this wallpaper image I found and did not know why at first. This has been true for me as an artist to notice the attractions in my world around me without judgement. 

I create artwork from these attractions, a form of love. My timeless episodes of painting, sculpting, or writing always helps me, like a mirror, find my place of healing. I believe now it comes from the soul, always and forever. My soul speaks through my art, and I am so grateful to have been shown and encouraged as a young child. My few years of teaching art, 2012-2019, to all ages, was a gift to me. To watch others, trust their personal creations and become enthusiastic. {meaning full of the spirit within}

 

This photo of a road heading into a fog seems obvious it represents our futures, yet I also saw it include the road already traveled. 

My last couple of years has spurred on my desire to heal from my traumas, PTSD, and hopefully find 

a renewed zeal for my future, of which I can see clearer each day the final horizon looming.

The current healing therapy has been very intense and so much more advanced from my early days of the 70's. I feel blessed to have lived long enough to take advantage of these new treatments, yet my time here is limited. This foggy photo has reminded me it will be okay to let some of my past be forgiven and let it go from my view or memory or even understanding. 

The clear, in focus and divided road in the forefront of the image represents the HERE and NOW. This is where we stand each moment. We can choose to move forward with a willingness to embrace what comes in to view. A person, place, or event that will teach me what my heart yearns for. Life has been clearly a time for learning and most of all for making mistakes. A humbling experience yet the door we need to point us in the next direction, classroom so to speak. Most difficult for me has been the many meetings of persons on my highway. I have no doubt each has collided with me for a reason, for a chance to love and be loved perhaps? My many pets have at times been the most loyal with the gift of a being to express my love to too. Most important of all is To Love over being Loved.  Note either way for me has been full of great joy and greater sorrow...................

     This has happened may times, too many to count now.

I say thank you too All.

The foggy area engulfing the trees, road, view and even direction is also a blessing in disguise. Yes, because the foggy cold damp air is misleading.  My periodic boughts of depression have made me so fearful at times. After so many in my lifetime I named a dear pet "Blue Sky". There is always somewhere a place above my dim view to catch the sun and continue to play out my future. 

*******

A Footnote

On July 4, 2022 from 6-7pm Port Angeles' 4th parade passed by my window along that 2-lane street out my window. Early that morning I ran out to move my car off the main street parking spot to make room for the events to follow. It was the first one since Pandemic surge. I moved into the Lee Plaza Apartments a couple of weeks prior and was so impressed by the hour-long train of "Small town America" that passed before me. As I sat curbside right in front of Lee's doorway., I saw the bands, the politicians, animals, pets, floats, and of course the many bright red Fire trucks.

I was able to break away from my grieving for a short time, that I had moved from a home I loved so much. Anderson Island was a place I planted myself and I was blooming in so many ways. A small community where I could find a place for me to express myself to others. Art community, church fellowship and asked to be an honorary family member by my neighbor, to be another daughter, on her deathbed. " Her sunshine", I felt I was no longer invisible, instead like a bright light in her life. Her final conversation with me was a reminder of many others. Her feeling I was there so she could do this passage. "I cannot do this without you, "sunshine." and a declaration that I was to get on with my life and be happy.

 I was to light up the way? yet I knew it was her faith and her knowing her rebirth was soon to come. 

she was my sunshine too.

 September 5, 2018, 8:30 am

********

I am looking for inspiration and blessings each day I wake up now each morning. I found this beautiful Jewish Blessing written in  100 B.C.E. by the Qumran community outside Jerusalem. This is from a Hebrew translation of the Dead Sea scrolls.

A BLESSING of LUCID FIRE and SECRET GRACE

May the being of the Universe

breathe into you the light of blessing and ripeness, 

the fulfillment of health and balance.

May it protect you from

distractions brittle and bent

with a sphere of Lucid Fire.

May it enlighten

the heart of your passion

with the contemplation of living energy.

May it uncover the

hidden strength within you,

insight gathered from the eternal now. and

May it show you its face

of secret grace and silent refuge in a 

communion of deep 

PEACE.

********

in memory for Cocomoe

Portrait for Karen

  

 

Christmas Memories Remembered 1954 & 1984

                            

A Christmas with The Anderson Family

I will begin with my beginnings as a child of 5 [1954] waiting with anticipation for that morning of awe and wonder......... Christmas. The night before on the eve of Christmas we would travel to my father's family across town, Grandmother's home along with auntie Adele and youngest cousin Ronveig. The only cousin named after a relative in Trondheim Norway. Always reminding all of us of the strong heritage we came from. It included all the food and goodies my Grandma Lena would prepare days before. I was the first grand-daughter born and very interested in the food. To this day I am the only family member to know her recipes and to continue to prepare as an adult.... the Yulekaka bread and much more.. My aunt a retired Opera performer, that included Madame Butterfly in Oslo, would rehearse carols with all her nieces lined up in party dresses to sing accompanied by piano. A spark, I am sure of inspiration for my third sister who became a singer performer and choir director..

My memories also include the side of the holiday that would be at times terrifying. Scandinavian culture includes the drinking of alcohol. I would watch each year in anxious anticipation the stupor and slurring of words as my father would fall into the drunkenness. I was so afraid of the arguing that would follow with my mother, grandmother, and uncles. And most alarming to me was who would drive us home. All I wanted was to be safe. In the following Christmas eves, I would hang out with Grandma in the kitchen throughout the night and learn her recipes. A joyful time for me. 

Lena, she knew how hard it was for the children to wait for the full smorgasbord to be displayed. Yulekaka cardamon bread, gravlax salmon, red pickled cabbage, fiskeball soup, and the notorious gefillte cod fisk. A tray was made for children only. I would eventually have this as my contribution to the table. Openface sandwiches on french bread smothered in butter, a thin slice of swiss cheese, and a long thin dill pickle on top. I would put this platter on the table and then I would find my safe place and crawl under the tablecloth hanging low. Sometimes Ronveig joined me, the youngest grandchild, to play hide and seek. What may have been perceived by adults as play, for me it was a way to NOT see my father stumble across the room and remind me what was coming,. The families' other holiday tradition. of high emotions and turmoil between relatives attempting to deflate their feelings of anger and old hurts.

It was as a teenager that the eve of Christmas parties ended as my family could not continue with the upheavals and further pain resulting.. I can still remember at 71, one of my childhood dreams that would rarely come true. Living in Portland Oregon as a child I seldom saw it snow in December. Of course, snow would be a desire for a young child, to run and play with a snowman in the front yard. Mine was the wish that when dad would fall to the ground between the car and our front door, I would visualize snow falling and covering him like a warm blanket so the neighbors would not see him there. An embarrassment no child should have to endure and leave a hard to forget the memory.

Story of Mama Red

This story begins many months before Christmas.[1984] with the birth of MA MA Red's third litter of beautiful red setter pups. It was springtime in Bralorne, British Columbia. My neighbor Sherry has waited through the winter for their arrival. Ten little bundles arrived and it was quickly discovered 6 of her 8 teats were infected and could not sustain 10 bodies. WE lived in a mountain town, 5 hours from a vet. A call was made to decide on the next decision that was needed, with the vet's advice at the clinic. He could send antibiotics for her in the mail, but the pups would not survive till then. The most humane course was to drown them, all ten?

Sherry could not do it by herself and asked for my help and support. I will not forget this new mother frantically pacing as we loaded the young ones into a drawstring bag and headed to the raging river overflowing from winter snowmelt, behind the house.

I was to be the one to carry the bag to the water's edge and drop it into the frigid waters. I would finally walk back to the house after the whimpering faded away to silence. A burial spot was chosen and Sherry watched in grief as I dug the hole. I was about to fill it in when I heard a muffled cry from the bag. I was in disbelief as it grew louder. I opened the bag, it was not in my plan to see them, and there was a ball of bodies all clinging to each other. I pulled it apart to find in the very center a male pup breathing and whimpering away,.....louder and louder. I put him in my warm jacket pocket and headed back to the house. Mama Red waited anxiously at the door. knowing of my pup in my coat?  Her two healthy teats were more than enough to keep this little one alive and healthy. 

A name was needed right away and how determined he was to survive was the inspiration We found a german name of "Deter". and so it was. A week later we drove to the Vet to have both mother and pup examined. Both were thriving. A blessing for us all.

Even though this is not at Christmas time... The final story for me and Ma Ma Red happened on the following December Christmas morning. I was invited to join and meet Sherry's family for Christmas celebrations. It was a 5-hour drive out of the mountains to the high plateaus along the Al-Can highway heading north to Alaska. Deter was adopted at 6 months by a friend in town and would not be with us. After a late party Christmas eve, I was the first to awaken early and bundled myself up and headed out the back door to walk the red setter. The frigid brisk air was filled with bright sunlight. I could have used sunglasses as I squinted. I watched as she headed down the driveway instead of up the incline behind the house. Some critter caught her site hound eyes. I ran to chase her as I watched her cross the highway, very quiet on a Christmas morn. I called her to come back. she was enthralled by the burrows in the hard winter ground and animal scents.

Then I heard coming from the northern direction, a big rig heading down the road towards us. I immediately stopped calling her name. She was not obedience trained and was so unpredictable in her behavior. I stood motionless in prayer that she would stay on that side of the road till it passed us by. Just as if in slow motion I saw her raise her head, have eye contact with me, seemingly not aware of the truck barreling towards us. And in my worst nightmare, she dashed towards me and collided with the truck.. It did not stop and kept going as I looked upon her lying in the middle of the road.

I walked over and she was gone, out of pain I lifted her and it felt like a 7-year-old child as I carried her to the back porch 30 yards away. I laid her down and cried until I had the courage to awaken Sherry with the grim Christmas morning news. A bearer of very sad tidings.

***

My Apartment Window in Lockdown 2020

A Covid-19 2020 Christmas To Remember

My Christmas prayer is to embrace my memories with compassion for myself and to acknowledge God's mercy. I hold Christ's birth as God's greatest gift to the world and his creation. The gift to myself this season of isolation for everyone's safety is to remember how deeply I discovered, we all need each other. Even my relationship with myself has spiraled down to the depths not felt for many years. Just as his gift to us is "relationship with Him", we manifest that each day through our personal relationships with family, friends, neighbors, strangers, and the creatures we depend on.

Amen

                                 

Thanksgiving Holiday: USA 2020

Our First Thanksgiving Gathering 1621

A three-day harvest in Plymouth was held in the fall. It would take some natives 2 days to walk to the festivities. This is the story told to me in our elementary school textbooks. It tells of natives and colonists sitting down peacefully for a meal of thankfulness for the season's bounty.

This event was followed by attacks, killings of hundreds of natives, and colonists as an expansion upon native lands increased. for decades and eventually, for centuries, killings, genocide, continued until land confined reservations were mandatory for the "first Americans".

Abraham Lincoln designated an official Thanksgiving Holiday in the fall of 1867. It was to celebrate the end of the civil war and all our nation could be thankful for.

***

The native Americans in this country consider this holiday a "Memorial Day" for the many who fought and lost their lives to save their land and the freedom to live on their chosen ancestral lands. this sounds very much the same as our Memorial Day ceremonies all across the nation in May of each year.

How each family celebrates this holiday can be very similar, a turkey, pies, cranberries, and each culture with added treats. My family is chosen and is whoever lives nearby. 

Thanksgiving for apartment neighbors 2019 in Port Angeles.

Expanded this year to neighbors on the streets of my neighborhood 2020

"Doc and Bunny my partners in serving our neighbors"

***

This year in a pandemic we are asked to not travel as 60% of citizens usually do to be with family. This year there was only a 20% reduction in travel. We will see the cost for these holiday reunions in the next month to come in total new cases and sadly the new family deaths.  Family members that will not attend the 2021 holiday. How can I see the blessings amongst my friends and families when gratefulness is so needed?

***

" I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain. 

I wanna know have you ever seen the rain,

comin' down on a sunny day'?

This song by Creedence Clearwater "struck a chord" in me when I wanted to understand why this holiday was so different for me this year. It is easy to point to the pandemic as the source of so much disruption in our routines, traditions, or life as we demand and long for it to be. 

This world is now full of frequent storms, fires, and natural disasters. These disasters have come on the eve of this holiday too. Many have no home or family injured or dead. I see nature teaching me, as God wants me to understand and experience, I am not the master of my world. I am the caretaker of this world given to me to enjoy, not destroy. I am grateful for all those that continue to strive for climate change solutions. for the generations to come.

" Someone told me long ago

there's a calm before the storm

I know its been coming for some time

When it's over, so they say

It'll rain a sunny day

I know shining down like water"

***

So, what has love got to do with it?

***

Can I find a way to be grateful, thankful for the rain? Yes, when I know the sun will come up again and even in the sky, both can be seen together as the song says, "shining down like water". A grateful thankful heart comes from love. Can I find a way to be thankful this year, when the rain is relentlessly falling all around me.? I have lost one friend, 92 years old, Adele, to this virus. She was one of the first to die in a nursing home in my state of Washington. The sunny bright spot for me is that I was fortunate to meet her and know some of her stories. Hers was a long life.. Our common friend and my brother, Jerry, 88, is still going strong as ever though many miles from my home.

Jerry as a world traveler

I have the thought that this chaos may actually be a calm before the next storm in my country.. Hunger [ 1 in 6 families 60 million], political divisions, racial equality demands with unrest, and economic inequality [ more trillionaires being created] are festering like an old wound being scratched and reinjured and bleeding again.

Our President-Elect Biden in his Thanksgiving address to the nation on November 25th pleaded that we bring "LOVE" to the political arena... To come together and heal and see the opposition. in our partisan politics, and find our common values moving forward. This is a sunny day to hear these words from our newly yet contested winner. Now it will be each American to follow through [ or not ] and work for the changes needed to slow this coming, [, already here? ] STORM.

"Yesterday and days before

Sun is cold and rain is hard

I know been that way 

for all my time

til forever, on it goes."

In this country we live with motos of "The American Dream", " And Equal Justice for All,", " Right to Pursue Happiness", and religious freedom. These can be understood as a luminous sun on the horizon, yet felt by many here as only a dawning reality. The struggles many citizens have in the USA can be felt as a rainy drizzle or a torrent and flooding storm based on their skin color.. 

My faith has been my guiding light in these dark days.  Masks, distancing, and finding ways I can reach out to others at the same time. My blog is one of the ways technology has opened some "lockdown" doors. I look more to music and reading the WORD to find my way. Sometimes it feels like I can find the "light switch " for comfort from my fears and stressful moments. On the pages of the Bible, or in a songs' lyrics, or a smile on a stranger's face or a friendly text or the wagging of a pet's tail.....

Matthew  11:28-30

"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, 

I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, For I am gentle and humble of heart, and

you will find rest in your souls.

For my yoke is easy and my burden light."

                                                  ***

The sun will be shining down through the rain.

and a rainbow may follow!

LOVE Songs [ Audio update Aug 28]

 As you can see I chose a song for the title of my blog.

What has love got to do, got to do with it?

What's love but a second-hand emotion.......

Who needs a heart, when a heart can be broken.

There are so many events in my life where I had wished I could hurt less. There has been so much loss in my life and I reacted in unhealthy ways..definitely avoiding feeling at all.

My first lesson in life about coping with loss was to learn how to feel again. Avoidance of my emotions has fueled the addiction I have spent many years in recovery of. 

In this time of isolation, I have listened to more music in my studio as I paint. I have discovered several songs that with a few word changes, have been about my relationship with God. I have found joy in creating "hymn-like" songs for me to sing to myself. The song I first noticed was "You are the Reason". the following is my revised lyrics.

Audio melody only

Lord, You Are The Reason

******

There goes my heart beating cause you are the reason.

I am losing my sleep, pray come back now.

There goes my mind racing and

You are the reason, Lord.

That I am still breathing, I am hopeful now.

I'd climb every mountain and swim every ocean

just to be near you and fix what I have broken.

Oh. you want me to see Lord that you are the reason.

There goes my hands shaking. Lord,

and you are the reason.

My heart keeps bleeding, I need you to know now, oh Lord. 

You have turned back the clock

made sure the light defeated the dark.

I will spend every hour of every day knowing I am safe.

I don't want to cry no more

I don't want to hide no more

I don't want to fear no more

come closer now.

Lord, you have climbed every mountain and crossed every ocean.

Just to be with me, to forgive where I am broken.

Oh, cause you want me to see,  that I am the reason.

So, I promise to climb every mountain and cross every river.

Just to stay with you and to be forgiven

Cause, you want me to know

Lord, that LOVE is the reason.

Thanks for reading my posts and helping me to feel connected with my friends, my loved ones.

Two more songs I love 

with no need to change the lyrics

"Only Love" by Jordan Smith

"Let love lead." by Terrain